Lonesome Dove

Its been said that there are several events in one's life that create a great deal of stress.  Death of a spouse would certainly rank at the top of the list.....check
Losing a job......check
Change in financial situation....check. 
Children leaving home.....check.
Relocating.....check.

Yep, the house is sold.  And it is breaking my heart.  This home has so very much of Wade in it, everywhere I look I see his handy work.  I remember every single project that we did together.  I've looked at the pictures and relived each and every upgrade and improvement.  I have rifled through all the receipts and clearly remember the debates we had over color selections or material choices. 

And now this home that has been my cocoon for almost two years since he died will be handed over to a new family in a few short weeks. 

When the buyers scheduled their second viewing, I was out of town and thankfully was sitting in my car in a parking lot.  I cried uncontrollably.  Then a few weeks later when an offer was submitted, again I cried.  The other day when the final acceptance was completed, I broke down and cried hysterically.

Our youngest daughter moved out in December to her own place.  I'm so very proud of her taking the leap, but honestly it broke my heart to see her go.  And now my sister is moving out this weekend to her own place.  That leaves me here all alone until April 16 to pack the PODS with stuff.  I don't want the stuff.  I want him back and I want the life back we had together.  I'd give up all the stuff in a heartbeat just to have him back.

Sadly, I don't have a plan on where I am going.  Haven't a clue.  So the stuff will go to storage and I will go.......hell, I don't know where I'll go.  But I have a dog and two cats that need a home as well.  So I better figure something out, and quickly, too.  If only Wade were here; we would be having a great time planning out our future.  Instead, I spend my time lost in memories as I pack them away in boxes.

The first holiday is over and there are only two more before this year becomes a bad memory. I did cook the traditional dinner for Thanksgiving, attended by my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law, my sister and two of my daughters. A girl's event, if you will. I only cried three times during the whole event. The first time was while I was peeling eggs; Wade would always sneak up behind me while I had my hands in the sink and sneak a grope, or snuggle my ear or maybe a little tickle. It was a tradition of sorts. It made me sad to think he will never do that again. Perhaps one day I will smile at the memory, but right now, it makes me cry. Even now as I type this. The next time I cried was after I was trying to "teach" my youngest daughter (age 20) about the proper handling of poultry. She and I seem to miscommunicate during these exchanges and they end up in a fight. That made me cry. Then later that night while everyone was watching a movie, I stepped outside by myself and had a good cry just because I missed him so very, very much.

All in all, it was a good time by all. No one got sick, so I guess I cooked the turkey correctly. But as for carving the bird, I wish I had paid more attention over the years. I swear I heard him laughing.

Now onto Christmas. I'm thinking a cruise is in order. And if I can pull it off, it just might cover New Years Eve as well.